In this episode, we meet Hannah. When she was in high school, Hannah survived a sexual assault. High school is a particularly difficult time to suffer abuse, and Hannah explains why.
Hannah came to CARE House of Oakland County, where she received the specialized attention and support she needed on her journey. She's now a college student, volunteering at CARE House. After graduation, she plans to have a career in therapy, helping other survivors.
The "It Shouldn't Hurt To Be a Child" Podcast is narrated by Karen Newman, and is made possible thanks to the generous support of Sheryl Hauk.
Resources:
CARE House of Oakland County Website: https://www.carehouse.org/
CARE House Phone Number: 248.332.7173
Find a Child Advocacy Center (CAC) Near You: https://nationalcac.org/
Hannah: I do encourage people to speak out because I know how hard it was. I know that like how important it is to be heard, because I didn't really have that opportunity. It was when I was in high school and it's really traumatic to go through in the first place.
Karen: It shouldn't hurt to be a child. Welcome to the podcast name for that simple fact.
I'm Karen Newman. In this episode, we introduce you to Hannah. She was among the one in 10 kids who are abused before they turn 18. Hannah went to high school and in an affluent Michigan suburb filled with subdivisions and lakes, but sexual abuse can and does happen anywhere and everywhere. When she was 16, a high school junior, she survived a sexual assault. The perpetrator was a boy she knew. Hannah says high school was an especially hard time in her life to suffer abuse.
Hannah: Cause like everybody found out and high schoolers are ruthless. You know what I mean? And a lot of them find something like that very entertaining. It was super weird because people started talking, they found out, they would just make up their own stories.
And I had people like coming up to me telling me when my court date was, it was ridiculous. And just, it was kind of, I think it got in the way of me healing a little faster, because I would just go to school every day and get just kind of harassed about the situation. And I already was dealing with it and processing it on my own, like outside of school, and I would just come back to school and have to deal with it. I couldn't escape it. I would go on the bus and just, I felt like I was going to like war or something. I would just get super nervous when I was on my way to school. Cause I kinda knew what was going to happen.
And there is a lot of triggers at school, too. A lot of the times I'd have to leave school. I couldn't even stay a full day or I'd have to just be in the office for like an hour. Just suffering from like a panic attack or something like that. There were a few triggers because the person who assaulted me, they used to go to my school, but they had all their friends there.
So I had a lot of, I guess, people spreading rumors. I would hear about it. You know, someone would say this and then someone would tell me, people writing stuff about me on whiteboards and like other classes that like, I wasn't even in, and people taking pictures of it and showing me.. It was constantly on my mind, obviously, but I would go to school and people would be asking me about it, like in front of everybody. It was a vulnerable thing and very violating.
And it wasn't like, "Are you okay? I heard what happened. I just want to know you're okay." They're like, "What happened? Tell me all the details." It was just entertaining to them. They definitely didn't care about me as a person. You know what I mean?
At first, my brain and my body, it definitely processed everything. You know, it was really traumatizing. So there's a point where I'd have a lot of flashbacks. One time., I relived the whole moment. Like I felt it physically and mentally. That was really scary. But then at a point some bits and pieces are just kind of blurry to me. I think my brain kind of just blocked the event out.
I can remember certain things about it and like what happened before and after, but the event itself, it's a little, it's a little blurry. I just remember how difficult it was. after, because I feel like, obviously after something like that happens, you go through a few phases. it's like denial.
And then you kind of accept it and like grief, you know, so I remember going through all those phases,
Karen: The Child Advocacy Center closest to where she lives, Care House of Oakland County, helped diagnose her PTSD. Hannah says the attention and support she received from professionals there went a long way.
Hannah: I had to do a few interviews because I kind of, I was really scared to speak out and I didn't even really want to tell... I'd planned on not telling my parents. I only wanted to tell a few friends because I was scared if I told a lot of people or I went to the police about it... It would make it more part of my life than it already is. I knew I'd be dealing with this the rest of my life.
Like, I wouldn't be able to forget about it, but I didn't want to make it a big deal. I just kinda wanted to pretend it didn't happen and just move on. But I confided in a friend of mine. And they ended up telling a teacher, and teachers are mandated reporters. So they have no choice but to go to someone, if they hear something like that.
So they told someone and they contacted the police and I ended up telling my mom and my dad, and they took me to the doctor to get STD tested. And while I was at the doctor, my mom gets a call from the school and they're like, "Is Hannah in school today?" My mom's like, "No, she's at the doctor, like what's wrong?"
And then they call the detective and police to the school to interview me. So I had to go to the police station. That's when I gave my statement. And that's when she gave me the resources to come to Care House. And, I kind of was not interested in coming to Care House, because a year before that I got diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and ADHD.
So I had a few therapists before Care House and it didn't really do anything for me. I didn't get what I needed out of those sessions. So I just was not interested in any therapy. But I came to Care House and they really knew what they were doing. I liked that they were specifically trained to help people with the problem I was facing. And they're the ones who told me I had PTSD, but they didn't just tell me I had that going on. They knew how to help me cope with it. And you know that it's not my fault. I was a little... it was a little discouraging at first hearing that I had it, but then I thought about it and it was more of like a relief.
Like, it's not just me that's the problem. Something happened to me and it's not my fault. And now I know how to deal with it. I mean, they were really just understanding. And like I said, they knew what they were doing. I wouldn't really get any feedback from my previous therapist. They wouldn't really give me any feedback or any tips on how to deal with ADHD and anxiety. But Care House, they taught me a lot of methods to not only like cope with PTSD itself, but know when triggers are coming and how to prevent a whole anxiety attack, because I would deal with those often. So just those resources really helped me. And also they had me go to group therapy here. It was like a teen survivor group.
That was really cool because I had a lot of people telling me how to feel, you know what I mean? And you never really know what being sexually assaulted is like until it really happens to you. You know, I'm like, oh, you know, people who get raped, like that's crazy. That sucks. But I didn't realize how traumatic it is.
Not just when it happens, but you know, the aftermath. It's crazy. And people just didn't really get why I was sad and anxious. It's PTSD. Like it's, it's crazy. They didn't know what that was like. And I didn't have people to relate to. So when I met a bunch of girls, my age who have gone through that, it was nice to hear that I can be understood.
Karen: Now 19 and a college student, Hannah is volunteering at Care House. She's trying to help kids like her make sure that abuse doesn't define their lives. And she has some advice for them.
Hannah: When I walked in the door, I was the one getting therapy and it's good to see that I'm on the other side.
Helping kids who have been in that situation. I think it's important for them to know that they're not the only ones. I think it's important for them to not let anybody tell them how to feel, because again, it's their experience. And it kinda affects everybody differently. There's no due date on healing. I think everybody takes their own time.
I know that it took me a certain amount of time and I would get really frustrated when people wew like, "You're still not over this?" You know what I mean? Don't worry about it. Just take your time with healing. Definitely advocate for yourself. What do you need to be comfortable?
And I think it's important to have boundaries. I think when you deal with something like that and you get into a relationship, I think that it's very important to establish that respect and understanding. And boundaries to just, you know, prevent any triggers or anything like that.
Karen: Hannah isn't just helping others focus on their futures. She's also focused on hers.
Hannah: I do want to specialize in helping people who have a similar situation to mine, children and women. You know, I think that I can take a lot of good out of this experience and kind of have a better understanding on how sexual assault affects people and how to really help them. I think most importantly, I would like them to know that it happens a lot more than you think it would, and that they're not alone.
And I do encourage people to speak out because I know how hard it was. I know how important it is to be heard, because I didn't really have that opportunity
Karen: As we've learned from Hannah, only through conversation can we begin to address the problem of abuse and help our kids. Hannah's story may leave you with questions. Child Advocacy Centers, or CAC's, around the country have those answers. There's one in your community. Like there was for Hannah.
For most, they don't find out about their local CAC until they need it. But they are open and available for anyone who wants to be educated, help a child or needs help themselves.
"It shouldn't hurt to be a child" -made possible by the generous support of Sheryl Hauk.
For more information on Care House of Oakland county and its programs, visit carehouse.org. To find a child advocacy center near you. Visit nationalcac.org. I'm Karen Newman. Thanks for listening.