In this episode, we meet Maddie. Beginning when she was 11, Maddie was abused by a close family member. At the time, she didn't know it was wrong. She walks us through confronting her abuser, and eventually mustering up the courage to tell the rest of her family.
Maddie explains why she found the specialized care at Child Advocacy Centers to be so helpful. Now 18 years old, Maddie volunteers at CARE House. We hear from her mom, Susan, who serves on the organization's board. Both explain why they feel it's important to help other survivors.
The "It Shouldn't Hurt To Be a Child" Podcast is narrated by Karen Newman, and is made possible thanks to the generous support of Sheryl Hauk.
Resources:
CARE House of Oakland County Website: https://www.carehouse.org/
CARE House Phone Number: 248.332.7173
Find a Child Advocacy Center (CAC) Near You: https://nationalcac.org/
Maddie: I feel like maybe something that people could learn from that is because I didn't know that what was happening to me was wrong, I didn't know that I should have told anybody.
Karen: It shouldn't hurt to be a child. Welcome to the podcast named for that simple fact. I'm Karen Newman. In this episode, we introduce you to Maddie.
She was among the one in 10 kids who will be abused before they turn 18. At her family's request, we're not using her real first name or her mom's. You'll hear from her mom later in the episode, but their story is real and it starts painfully .When Maddie was about 11, she told her family about the abuse she was suffering at the hands of a close family member. Now 18, she's able to talk about it in an effort to help other kids.
Maddie: When I was younger, I was molested by my grandpa for, I'm not sure how long. It happened when I was young, like until I was probably 11 or 12, I think was when it stopped. I don't remember when it started. So I'm assuming it kind of just went back as far as I can remember.
So it was probably like seven or eight years. I feel like the thing that's most important for other people to know about that is: I had no idea that what was happening to me was wrong. I think that I like a lot of kids that it happens to, they don't, they just don't know, like they grew up that way. And so it doesn't seem like anything is wrong.
And then I feel like something that really helped me after I told everybody, was that my whole family, like they believed me and they were supportive of me and they all fought for me and my cousin. I think if that had not gone the way that it did, if people didn't support me the way that they did it would have been a lot worse for me. And it probably would have affected me more negatively.
Karen: . Maddie says that she was scared to speak up, but now reflects back and realizes that after she did say something about what was happening to her, it made a difference. She went from fear to, help.
Maddie: It was hard for me because I initially I said something to the perpetrator before I told my parents or anything. I didn't know that what was happening was wrong. And so when he freaked out and told me that he could go to jail for it, it freaked me out really bad. And I had moments where I was like, should I tell my parents, like, am I never going to get to see them again? Is my family ever going to be the same?
And so it was hard for me to like, figure out what the best way to deal with situation was. I kind of felt like it was all on me for that moment. Before I told anybody it felt a little bit like I was alone. And specifically in my case, I didn't know how it was going to affect my family situation. So it was scary for me to say something, but I just feel it's really important for everyone who goes through something like that, to know that you're not alone.
And to know that it's not your fault. Even if like, as a little kid, even if you allow it to happen, you don't know it's wrong. And so it's not your fault at all and you're not alone and there's always somebody out there who's willing to help you through.
Karen: When it was time to deal with the situation as a family, Maddie benefited from the services of a local child advocacy center. Now looking back, she says she wishes she had been able to take full advantage of the CAC in her community.
Maddie: So when I did my interview, I did it with a child advocacy center and, you know, they worked to make me feel very comfortable in talking about my story and telling them the truth. Afterwards, I went to therapy, but it wasn't with a child advocacy center. It was through just like a regular therapist. She was lovely. She was a really nice lady, but we didn't end up talking a lot about what had happened to me. We ended up talking more about my day to day life. And so I think that maybe it would have been beneficial to go to a place like Care House or to go to Care House, and talk to a therapist who was like trained to help me with specifically what I went through instead of just therapy on a day to day basis.
Karen: Now a college student Maddie is volunteering at Care House, the Child Advocacy Center, closest to where her family lives. Now she's now focused on trying to help.
Maddie: It's definitely something that is important to me to like help other kids that were in a similar situation or who need help in whatever way that I can. I just really want my career choice to be about helping people. So I'm thinking either nursing or psychology, I just really want whatever I choose to do with my life to be about helping others.
Karen: Maddie's mom Susan is volunteering too. She serves on the board of Care House and sees it as a way to help other families.
Susan: We are fortunate in our family to have that level of support. And we were able to sort of navigate the system. So when a case like this is prosecuted, first of all, it's very difficult to get it fully prosecuted. And second of all, there's just a lot of steps along the way. And kids are asked to continue to tell the story, and this was one where we didn't go to court.
There was a plea and they didn't have to testify. And so for me, knowing that Care House provides the upfront interview support as well as support for kids that are in the court process, whatever step they're in, as well as therapy and other family services is why I spend a lot of my time, and a lot of my resources helping them do their work. Because I really feel for kids that don't have other avenues to receive that care and that support. So having been through the process, to some extent, ourselves, we, as a family, we want to take what we learned from our own unfortunate experience and help other people to navigate it more effectively. And I think that there's no better way than to get connected with Care House, and for people to really take advantage of all of the services that they have to offer.
Karen: Maddie wants you to know that she's living her own life. One, not defined by abuse..
Maddie: I think that a lot of times it's easy to like, take that on as a part of who you are. I used to not want to tell people about it because I didn't want them to look at me as if I was weak or like I needed pity. but I feel like it's something that, you know, I experienced and it was a part of my life, but it's not a part of who I am as a person,
Karen: As we've learned from Maddie, speaking up, followed by the right kind of support can make all of the difference in a child's life. "It shouldn't hurt to be a child" made possible by the generous support of Sheryl Hauk.
For more information on care house of Oakland county and its programs visit CAREHouse.org. And for a child advocacy center near you. Visit nationalCAC.org. I'm Karen Newman. Thanks for listening.